Author: Anthony Lauriello

Emails from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, Inc.’s In-House Counsel

Illustrated by Minji Reem Re: Room of Imagination Expenditures Oompa Loompa #587693, Senior Legal Counsel to Willy Wonka, CEO Oompa Loompa doompety doo I’ve got another email for you Oompa loompa doompety dee If you want to stay out of court you’ll listen to me What do you get when you waste company cash Buying chocolate rivers and other such trash What do you think shareholders will do? When they realize how much of their money you blew It will be a lawsuit Oompa Loompa doompety da If you’re not disloyal, you will go far You will also not...

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My Book Report: The Bluebook

My Book Report Name: Anthony Lauriello Title of Book: The Bluebook: A Uniform System of Citation Author: Columbia Law Review, Harvard Law Review, Pennsylvania Law Review and the Yale Law Journal Copyright Date: (the year of the book’s “birthday”): © 1926 Setting: (when/where the story happened): This book happens in lots of places. It has lots of different states from America in it and in Chapter T2 there are many countries like Mexico and France.  It reminded me of Flat Stanley. In that book Flat Stanley went to lots of countries too. Main Characters: The Bluebook is about someone named Citations. Problem (if there are more than one, choose the biggest problem): Citations really wants to be correct at everything. However, to be correct Citations has to go through a lot of rules.  There are a lot of them. Solution (how was the problem solved?): Citations follows each and every rule to be correct. *Summary of the Plot/Story  (In your own words, what happened in this book?  You can use time/order words if you’d like—first, next, then, after that, finally, etc.): Citations is the hero of the Bluebook. First the book is blue and makes a summary of what is going to happen. This is like when we have to write our first paragraph for our Thought Essays. Then the book starts for real with white pages. The Bluebook describes...

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A Ride Off the Beaten Tracks: “Snowpiercer”

  Dystopias, like cupcakes, Brooklyn, and online lists, are very much in vogue at the moment. Therefore, there is a certain amount of trepidation one has in watching yet another film about the end of the world as we know it. But “Snowpiercer,” the first English-language offering from Korean director Bong Joon-ho, is not your run of the mill cinematic trip to the apocalypse with teen clichés such as grimy but attractive love interests and predictable plots.   “Snowpiercer” opens with a premise that at first sounds like a joke: to combat global warming, humanity accidentally froze the Earth...

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Dear Justice: Social or Economic Change of Some-kind Law Students Association (SECSLSA) v. Margot Annet

Dear Justice assembles the greatest judges of all time to settle important cases for the Columbia Community. Today these great sages of the law consider the case of: ——————————– Social or Economic Change of Some-kind Law Students Association (SECSLSA) v. Margot Annet  ——————————— Judge LEARNED HAND delivered the opinion of the Court: This case involves a time old problem at law schools across the country. Petitioner is a student group dedicated to bettering and educating the community. Pursuant to this goal, they regularly host speakers to discuss various issues. These discussions are held during lunchtime, and petitioners purchase a...

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Dear Justice: In re Relationship

[The facts of In re Relationship were summarized well in the plaintiff’s complaint: “A classmate and I have had a wonderful platonic friendship all throughout the school year.  We spend late nights studying together and we sit next to each other in many cases.  At Barrister’s Ball, we both had quite a bit to drink and exchanged some not very platonic kisses.  Now this friend wants to pursue a more intimate relationship. I don’t know if I have romantic feelings towards this friend, and I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship.  Can I just pretend it never happened, or...

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Gravity’s Rainbow: A Remembrance of Jackson Alberts, CLS ‘15

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