Illustrated by Minji Reem

Re: Room of Imagination Expenditures


emailbox

Oompa Loompa #587693, Senior Legal Counsel
to Willy Wonka, CEOemailarrow

Oompa Loompa doompety doo
I’ve got another email for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
If you want to stay out of court you’ll listen to me

What do you get when you waste company cash
Buying chocolate rivers and other such trash
What do you think shareholders will do?
When they realize how much of their money you blew

It will be a lawsuit

Oompa Loompa doompety da
If you’re not disloyal, you will go far
You will also not fear being sued
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do

 

Re: Factory Liability Waiver


emailboxOompa Loompa #587693, Senior Legal Counsel
to Willy Wonka, CEOemailarrow

Oompa Loompa doompety doo
I’ve got another problem for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
If you want to stay out of court you’ll listen to me

What do you get when your print is so small
That it’s impossible to read it all
Such contracts will be thrown out of court
And then you’ll have no protection from tort

Make the print big, they won’t read it anyway

Oompa Loompa doompety da
If you’re not fraudulent you will go far
You will also not fear being sued
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do

 

Re: Factory Injuries


emailboxOompa Loompa #587693, Senior Legal Counsel
to Willy Wonka, CEOemailarrow

Oompa Loompa doompety doo
I’ve got another concern for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
I beg you to please listen to me

Having guests is fine if it’s well done
It helps market our candy and chewing gum
But if kids get hurt in our machines
Their parents will wipe all our assets clean

Why are our nuisances so attractive?

Oompa Loompa doompety da
If you’re not unsafe, you will go far
You will also not fear being sued
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do

 

Re: Transfer of Control Block to Charlie Bucket


emailboxOompa Loompa #587693, Senior Legal Counsel
to Willy Wonka, CEOemailarrow

Oompa Loompa doompety doo
I don’t know why I keep trying to reach you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
No matter what I say, you won’t listen to me

Giving the whole company away
To a ten year old that you met today
This violates your duty of care
For minority shareholders that’s unfair

You do need to do due diligence

Oompa Loompa doompety da
If you’re not careless, you will go far
You will also not fear being sued
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do